Of course, most people eventually give up bowling for sex. The balls are lighter and you don't have to change your shoes.

Jesus loves you, but everybody stereoagent else thinks you're a dork.

Professor: "Good news, everyone, the university is bringing me up on disclipinary charges. Wait, that's not good news at all."

Police: Good evening, are you the host? Host: No. Police: We've been getting complaints about this party. Host: About the drugs? Police: No. Host: About the guns, then? Is somebody complaining about the guns? Police: No, the noise. Host: Oh, the noise. Well that makes sense because there are no guns or drugs here. (An enormous explosion is heard in the background.) Or fireworks. Who's complaining about the noise? The neighbors? Police: No, the neighbors fled inland hours ago. Most of the recent complaints have come from Pittsburgh. Do you think you could ask cisco press the host to quiet things down? Host: No Problem. (At this point, a Volkswagon bug with primitive religious symbols drawn on the doors emerges from the living room and roars down the hall, past the police and onto the lawn, where it smashes into a tree. Eight guests tumble out onto the grass, moaning.) See? Things are starting to wind down.

A team playing baseball in Dallas Called the umpire blind out of malice. While this worthy had fits The team made eight hits And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.

Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men. -- Conrad

I'm not in favor of senseless Micro$oft bashing. I'm in favor of bashing Micro$oft senseless. -- From a Slashdot.org post

Rhode's Law: When any principle, law, tenet, probability, happening, circumstance, or result can in no way be replication directly, indirectly, empirically, or circuitously proven, derived, implied, inferred, induced, deducted, estimated, or scientifically guessed, it will always for the purpose of convenience, expediency, political advantage, material gain, or personal comfort, or any combination of the above, or none of the above, be unilaterally and unequivocally assumed, proclaimed, and adhered to as absolute truth to be undeniably, universally, immutably, and infinitely so, until such time as it becomes advantageous to assume otherwise, maybe.

Female rabbits: The gift that just "keeps on giving."

Q: What is "SMOORPLAY"? A: It's what SMURFS do before they SMUCK, of course!

If I could reach, I'd never leave the house. -- George Carlin

Is it possible that software is not like anything else, that it is meant to be discarded: that the whole point is to always see it as a soap bubble?

Lizzie Borden took an axe, And use these listings to locate free embedded linux resources on the web ... plunged it deep into the VAX; Don't you envy people who Do all the things ___YOU want to do?

Linux Advocacy Crackdown SHERIDAN, WY -- In an unprecedented blow to Linux advocacy, Aaron McAdams, an employee at the Sheridan Try-N-Save Discount Store, was fired last week. According to the store's general manager, McAdams was fired because "he constantly rearranged items on shelves so that Linux-related books and software boxes would be displayed more prominently than Windows merchandise." McAdams' implementing and managing appc protected conversations boss added, "If he would have spent as much time actually working as he did hiding Windows books at the back of shelves, he wouldn't have received the pink slip." The general manager supplied Humorix with videotapes from the store's security cameras showing McAdams in action. In one scene, he takes a whole stack of "...For Dummies" books and buries them in the Cheap Romance section, an area of the store rarely visited by computer users. In another, McAdams can be plainly seen setting copies of Red Hat Linux in front of a large, eye-catching display of various Microsoft products at the front of the store. Finally, at one point McAdams can be seen slapping huge tags reading "DEMO DISPLAY BOX -- NOT AVAILABLE UNTIL 1999" on boxes of Windows 98. McAdams disputes his bosses accusations. "If he would spend more time actually working instead of peering over security camera footage for hours on end, this store might actually turn a profit for a change."

"Scott, baby," the sexually aggressive girl murmured as she guided her date's finger to her clitoris, "This bud's for you."

Cocaine: using tomorrow's energy today.

A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison And had an affair with a Saracen. She was not oversexed, Or jealous or vexed, She just wanted to make a comparison.

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

In Riemann, Hilbert or in Banach space Let superscripts and subscripts go their free php scripts (thefreecountry.com) ways. Our asymptotes no longer out of phase, We shall encounter, counting, face to face. -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"

Scott's first Law: No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.

Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most Souls would scarcely get your Feet wet. Fall not in Love, therefore: it will stick to your face. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"

To defend the Saigon regime dataconvert is not worth one more human life. -- Senator Edmund Muskie

"Every morning I wake up. And when I wake up I go to the Oval Office." George W. Bush January 5, 2001 Town Hall Meeting in Ontario, CA. Source: C-SPAN.

Kleptomaniac, n.: A rich thief. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

C++: Where friends have access to your private members.

"Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash." -- Bo Diddley

Windows 95 really does have pre-emptive multitasking: It can boot and idug and ca to deliver free db2/java webcast crash at the same time.

A thrice-married gal from L.A. Said, "My hymen's intact to this day, 'Cause my first (a shrink) talked of it, The voyeur only gawked at it, And my most recent man's a gourmet."

"For that matter, compare your pocket computer with the massive jobs of a thousand years ago. Why not, then, the last step of doing away with computers altogether?" -- Jehan Shuman

YOUR FOAMY FUTURE by Miss Fortune AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) You have nothing better to think about than what to wear and what type of champagne to take to the neighbors Halloween Party. Just take beer! Don't try to copy the "Joneses", pull them up to your level and remember, in California Hoalloween is redundant anyhow. PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20) Focus on strengthening friendships this Fall. You find others are fascinated by your intelligence, your wit, your drinking ability, and your bank account. Just make sure you realize it's far more impressive when other discover your good qualities without your help.

Geld frost names ibm leader in identity and access management software macht nicht glücklich! - Aber es beruhigt.

And so it goes. It is humiliating, when you should know better, to become victim of the timeless story of the little brown dog running across the freight yard, crossing all the railroad tracks until a switch engine nipped off the end of his tail between wheel and rail. The little dog yelped, and he spun so quickly to check himself out that the next wheel chopped through his little brown neck. The moral is, of course, never lose your head over a piece of tail. -- John D. MacDonald, "The Scarlet Ruse"

Fed some caviar to my girlfriend She was a virgin tried and itmweb true Now my girlfriend needs no urgin' There ain't nothin' she won't do! Caviar comes from a Virgin Sturgeon - Virgin Sturgeon's a very fine fish. Virgin Sturgeon needs no urgin' That's why caviar is my dish! Fed some caviar to my Grandpa He was a man of ninety-three Shrieks and screams were heard from Grandma He had chased her up a tree! (chorus)

Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not make messes in the house. -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"

Satyrs have more faun.

Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam on a picnic without looking to see whether the seeds move.

After rushing into a drugstore, the nervous young man was obviously embarrassed when a prim thirty-ish woman asked if she could serve him. "N-no," he stammered, "I'd like to see the druggist." "I'm the druggist", she replied cheerfully. "Oh.. well, uh, it's nothing important," he said, and turned to leave. "Young man," said the woman, "my sister and I have been running this drugstore for nearly ten years. There is nothing you can tell us that will embarrass us. "Well, all right," he said. "I have this awful sexual hunger that nothing will appease. No matter how many times I make love, I still want to make love free spyware / adware / trojans / hijackers detection, prevention, removal (thefreecountry.com) again and again. Is there anything you can give me for it?" "Just a moment," said the woman, "I'll have to discuss this with my sister." A few minutes later, she returned. "The best we can do," she said, "is room and board and a half-interest in the business."

Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.

tacky, adj.: Serving grape kool-aid at religious functions.

Disclaimer of the Week: Any Society Which Requires Disclaimers Has Too Many Goddamn Lawyers.

Justice is incidental to law and order. -- J. Edgar Hoover

small, adj.: Is it articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml in yet?

"There's not going to be enough people in the system to take advantage of people like me." George W. Bush June 9, 2000 Referring to exportfile a possible Social Security crisis. Wilton, Connecticut.

Rocky's Lemma of Innovation Prevention Unless the results are known in advance, funding agencies will reject the proposal.

Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own. -- Don Vonada

The young stud walked into a bordello. After he took his clothes off, the woman was puzzled to see him put a clothespin on his nose, stuff cotton in his ears, and put a prophylactic on his penis. "Hey," she asked, "what the hell are you doing?" "Well, ma'am", replied the stud, "there are two things I just can't stand. A screaming woman and the smell of burning rubber."

You should go home.

Cleveland still lives. db2 articles God ____must be dead.

Die meisten Hühner werden schon als Eier in die linuxdevices.com - the embedded linux portal: polls Pfanne gehauen

You will become rich and famous unless you don't.

"If you don't stand for anything, you don't stand for anything. If you don't stand for something, you don't stand for anything." George linuxdevices.com influential executives interview series W. Bush November 2, 2000 Quoted by the Austin American-Statesman.

Arkansas: Where the men are men, so are the women and the sheep run scared.

If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all. -- Ronald Reagan

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

felt tip, v.: sourceforge.net: exiting with error Past tense for a breast examination!

DeVries's Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.

Some people seem to think that "damn" is God's last name.

A nymph hits you and steals your virginity.

Opium is very cheap considering you don't feel like eating for the next six days. hot topic: carrier grade linux -- Taylor Mead, famous transvestite

If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was yesterday?

Doing the right things is usually more important than doing things right.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo lieb HAT Dich der about ibm - united states Bär !

The broad mass of a nation... will more easily fall victim to a big lie than to a small one. -- Adolf Hitler, "Mein Kampf"

Heisenberg may have javahispano done it.

Croll's Query: If tin whistles are made of tin, what are foghorns made of?

[Prime Minister Joseph] Chamberlain loves the working man -- he bookstore loves to see him work. -- Winston Churchill

"At least they're ___________EXPERIENCED incompetents"

"Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western religion, Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western science." -- Gary Zukav, "The Dancing Wu Li Masters"

I had never been too political, but I knew how white people treated black people and it was hard tablesi for me to come back to the bullshit white people put a black person through in this country. To realize you don't have any power to make things different is a bitch. -- Miles Davis

Q: Why was Cinderella banished from the Magic Kingdom? A: For sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming, "Tell the truth! Tell a lie! Tell the truth! Tell a lie!"

REPORTER: Senator, are you for or against the MX missile system? SENATOR: Bob, the MX missile system reminds me of an old saying that the country folk in my state like to say. It goes like this: "You can carry a pig for six miles, but if you set it down it might run away." I have no idea why the country folk say this. Maybe there's some kind of chemical pollutant in their drinking water. That is why I pledge to do all that I can to protect the environment of this great nation of ours, and put prayer back in the schools, where it belongs. What we need is jobs, not empty promises. I realize I'm risking my political career be being so outspoken on a sensitive issue such as the MX, but that's just the kind of straight-talking honest person I am, and I can't help it. -- Dave Barry, "On Presidential Politics"

Seems like these four rabbis had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd rabbi out, with the usual "3 to 1, majority rules" statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a higher authority. "Oh, God!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am forums right and they are wrong! Please show me a sign, so they too will know that I understand Your laws." It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished his plaint, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved. "A sign from God! See, I'm right, I knew it!" But the other three disagreed, pointing out that stormclouds form on hot days. So he asked again: "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a bigger sign." This time four stormclouds appeared, rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning knocked down a tree ten feet away from the rabbis. The cloud dispersed at once. "I told you I was right!" insisted the loner, but the others insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes. The insisting rabbi is all ready to ask for a *very big* sign when just as he says "Oh God..." the sky turns pitch black, the earth shakes, and a deep, booming voice intones, "HEEEEEEEE'S RIIIIIIIGHT!" The sky returns to normal. The one rabbi puts his hands on his hips and snarls, "Well?" "Okay, okayyyy," replied another, "so now it's 3 to 2!"

God isn't dead -- he's been busted.

The Queen is most anxious to enlist every one who can speak or write to join in checking this mad, wicked folly of "Woman's Rights", with all its attendant horrors, on which her poor feeble sex is bent, forgetting every sense of womanly feeling and propriety. Lady ____ ought to get a good whipping. It is a subject which makes the Queen so furious that she cannot contain herself. God created men and women different -- then let them remain each in their own position. -- Letter to Sir Theodore Martin, 29 May 1870, from Queen Victoria

A child of five could understand this! Fetch me a child the learning center store of five.

A person who has both feet planted firmly in the air can be safely called a liberal.

Why do we drink cow's milk? Who was the astring first guy who first looked at a cow and said "I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em!"? -- Calvin

Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are so long they can't afford the disk space.

Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.

Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.

He grabbed me by my slender neck, I could not call or scream. He dragged me to his tiny room, Where we could not be seen. He tore away my filmy wrap, And gazed upon my form. I so cold and frightened, While he so strong and warm. He pressed me to his thirsty lips, I gave him every drop. He drained me of my very self, I could not make him stop! And that is why you see me here, An empty, broken bottle of beer...

Kinder leckt man nicht aus dem Schnee. processserver -- Sprichtwort

So now that you have- you know, whoever you're trying to do a favor for -you've done it- and I'm sure you had a smirk on your mouth as you got me into this. -- "To Linda", from The Poetry Of H. Ross Perot, composed for Linda Wertheimer of National Public Radio. From SPY Magazine, November 1992

"... And remember: if you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own." -- "Scoop" Nisker, KFOG radio reporter Preposterous Words

At her annual checkup, the attractive young woman is told by the doctor that it's necessary to take her temperature rectally. She agrees and bends over the examining table, but a few seconds later says indignantly, "Doctor, that's NOT my database rectum!" "Madam," says the doctor, "that's not my thermometer!" Just then, the woman's husband, hearing her voice, comes into the room. "Just what the hell is going on here?" he demands. "I'm taking your wife's temperature," the doctor cooly replies. "Okay, doc, you know best," says the husband as he picks a scalpel off the doctor's desk, "but when that thing comes out, it better have numbers on it!"

Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians and eyebrows. Democrats raise Airedales, kids and taxes. Democrats eat the fish they catch. Republicans hang them on the wall. Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel they're entitled to a little fun first. Democrats make up plans and then do something else. Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made. Republicans consume three-fourths of the rutabaga produced in the USA. The remainder is thrown out. Republicans sleep in twin beds -- some even in separate rooms. That is why there are more Democrats. -- The Official Rules, dailynews as compiled by Paul Dickson

Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.

Everything you've learned in school as "obvious" becomes less and less obvious as you begin to study the universe. For example, there are no solids in the universe. There's not even a suggestion of a solid. There are no absolute continuums. There are no surfaces. There are no straight lines. -- R. Buckminster Fuller

Men are born ignorant, not stupid; they are made stupid by education. -- Bertrand Russell

Auch Arme haben Beine.

"I'd sun microsystems love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it."

"I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top." -- English Professor, Ohio University

The outraged husband discovered his wife h21007 in bed with another man. "What is the meaning of this?" he demanded. "Who is this fellow?" "That seems like a fair question," said the wife, rolling over. "What IS your name?"

Nobody said little linux systems for projects and products computers were going to be polite.

"I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died." -- Steven Wright

Furbling, v.: Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"

Bill Gates and Steve Jobs were playing a friendly game of Frisbee at the Gates estate on the shore of Lake Washington. At one point, Bill accidentally sends the Frisbee over Steve's head, and the Frisbee lands in the lake. Steve walks out onto the surface of the lake and retrieves the Frisbee. creative commons deed The next day the newspapers report: Gates' Throw Exceeds Expectations Apple CEO Unable to Swim

Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.

Glück gleicht durch Höhe aus, was ihm an Länge fehlt.

Fry: Lucy Liu-bot, if I don't survive the corn, I want intelligent enterprise magazine - scalable systems you to know that I love you as much as a man can love a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which it turns out is a lot.

"All I need is a little room to lay my hat and a few friends." -- Dorothy Parker to a real estate agent, on looking for an apartment

A formal parsing algorithm should not always be used. -- D. Gries

Hear that... the Pope's next pronouncement on birth control is to be titled "Paul's Epistle to the Fallopians"?

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth postgresql: the world's most advanced open source database *___and* fresher breath. -- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly Do"

I've known him as a man, as an adolescent and as a child -- sometimes on the same day.

People who develop the habit of thinking of themselves as world citizens are fulfilling the first requirement of sanity in our time. -- Norman Cousins

Hear about... the wisdomforce perverted australian who left his wife and returned to Sydney?

"The fundamental question is: 'Will I db2 universal database multiple vulnerabilities be a successful president when it comes to foreign policy?' I will be, but until I'm the president, it's going to be hard for me to verify that I think I'll be more effective." George W. Bush June 27, 2000 Comment made in Wayne, Michigan during the presidential campaign.

A teacher announces to her class, "Children, the student who can name the greatest man who ever lived will win a shiny red apple." Immediately an Italian boy raises his hand. "Yes, Tony?" "Christopher Columbus!" says Tony. "Well," says the teacher, "Christopher Columbus was a very great man, but I don't think he was the greatest man who ever lived." From the back of the room little Bernie Goldstein raises his hand. "Yes, Bernie?" "Jesus Christ", says Bernie. "That is correct, Bernie," pronounces the teacher. "And here is your apple." When Bernie gets up to the front of the room to claim his prize, the teacher says, "Bernie, given the fact that you're Jewish, I'm surprised that you thought Jesus was the greatest man who ever lived." "Well, actually," replies Bernie, "I do think Moses had the edge, but business is business."

Apple owners do it with mice!

Folks, what can I tell you about my next guest. This cat allowed himself to be adored, but not loved. And his success in show business was matched by failure in his personal relationship bag, now that's where he really bombed. And he came to believe that work, show business, love, his whole life, even himself and all that jazz was bullshit. He became numero uno gameplayer. Uh, to the point where he didn't know where the games ended and the reality began. Like to this cat, the only h21007 reality... is death, man. Ladies and gentlemen, let me lay on you, a so-so entertainer, not much of a humanitarian, and this cat was never nobody's friend. In his final appearance on the great stage of life, uh, you can applaud if you want to, Mr. Joe Gideon!! -- All That Jazz

Heut' debug ich, morgen brows' ich, uebermorgen cast' ich die Koenigin auf int.

Bender: Yeah, well software I'm gonna build my own lunar space lander! With blackjack aaaaannd Hookers! Actually, forget the space lander, and the blackjack. Ahhhh forget the whole thing!

Seems this guy notices a young nun sitting on the bus; through her heavy veil he just spots a glimmer of her face. Gorgeous! She moves, and her vestments cannot hide the fact she has a truly phenomenal body. The guy gets more and more excited until he finally approaches the nun and tells "Sister, please believe me, I don't normally do this sort of thing, but I think I love you. Could we maybe talk?" The nun almost runs off the bus. As the young man's stop comes up, the bus driver asks the guy if he was the person bothering the nun. The man starts apologizing, but the bus driver interrupts him. "No, don't apologize, I was checking her out myself. Listen, you see where she got on? She goes there every day, to a little park. Why don't you meet here there?" Sure enough, the man goes to the park the next day and there's the nun in a secluded grove of trees. He approaches her, and she seems, although shy, much more willing to talk. After an hour of cautious talk, he asks redirection her if she'd be willing to make love with him. She blushes, smiles, blushes again and says "yes". But that she doesn't dare risk getting pregnant, so it would have to be the "back door". As they start to make love, the young man is overcome with guilt; panting, he says, "Sister, I have to tell you, I'm the guy who was annoying you on the bus yesterday. Replies the nun, "Well, that's okay. I'm not really a nun. I'm actually the bus driver."

Heiligenbilder sind mit Autogrammen am wertvollsten.

Tourist to New Yorker: "Pardon me, sir, do you know what time it is, or should I just go fuck myself?"

We are upping our standards ... so up yours. sourceforge.net: exiting with error -- Pat Paulsen for President

LEO (July 23 - Aug 22) Your determination and sense of humor will come to the fore. Your ability to laugh at adversity will be a blessing because you've got a day coming you wouldn't believe. As a matter of fact, if you can laugh at what happens to you today, you've got a sick sense of humor.

"It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm ociweb wearing Milkbone underwear."

Hello, children!! This is Uncle Dennis welcoming you to your very own fortune. Today we are going to hear a story, so sit right here on my lap and we can all start. Comfortable? Ah, yes, ah... Ah? Ah!! One day, Rikki, the magic Pixie, went to visit Daisy Bumble in her tumbledown cottage. He found her in the bedroom. Roughly he grabbed her heaving ******* pulling her down on the bed and hurriedly ripping off her thin *******. Old Nick, the Sea Captain was a rough tough jolly sort of fellow. He loved the life of the sea and he loved to hang out down by the pier where the men dressed as ladies ****** **** ******* ******* of ***** ****** **** the ****** with a melon. Rumpletweezer ran the Dinky Tinky shop in the foot of the Magic oak tree by the wobbly dum-dum tree in the shade of the enchanted glen down in Dingly Dell. Here he sold contraceptives, ******** and various appliances *** ******** *** ***** naked fun and ***** the ******** ******* *** into six or seven pairs.

Better dead than mellow.

Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

"I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family pride is something inconceivable. I can't help it. I was born sneering." -- Pooh-Bah, "The Mikado", Gilbert & Sullivan

DETERIORATA Go placidly amid the noise ibm privacy - united states and waste, And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself, And heed well their advice -- even though they be turkeys. Know what to kiss -- and when. Remember that two wrongs never make a right, But that three do. Wherever possible, put people on "HOLD". Be comforted, that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment, And despite the changing fortunes of time, There is always a big future in computer maintenance. You are a fluke of the universe ... You have no right to be here. Whether you can hear it or not, the universe Is laughing behind your back. -- National Lampoon

Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods on her way to visit her grandmother when a wolf jumped out from behind a tree. "Aha!" the wolf said, "Now I've got you, and I'm going to eat you." "Eat, eat, eat," said Little Red Riding Hood angrily, "Damn it, doesn't anybody fuck anymore?"

Go to the Scriptures... the joyful promises it contains will be a balsam to all your troubles. -- Andrew Jackson The foundations of our society and our government rest so much on the teachings of the Bible that it would be difficult to support them if faith in these teachings would cease to be practically universal in our country. -- Calvin Coolidge Lastly, our ancestors established their system of government on morality and religious sentiment. Moral habits, they believed, cannot safely be trusted on any other foundation than religious principle, nor any government be secure which is not supported by moral habits. -- Daniel Webster

"I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best." -- Oscar Wilde

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless. -- Calvin

panic: send feedback kernel trap (ignored)

Hear about... the fellow who maintains a special register of particularly accommodating girls? He refers to it as his little blew book.

Do I like getting drunk? Depends on who's doing the drinking. -- Amy Gorin

"`This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer, `I never could get the hang of Thursdays.'" - Arthur, on what was to be his last Thursday on Earth.

Versuche den Standard freshlinks hochzusetzen und nicht darueber froh zu sein, dass er so niedrig ist. -- Steffen Glueckselig

"I never met jdbc documentation a piece of chocolate I didn't like."

If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.

You will get what you deserve.

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Why, Good Morning! I'm the bluebird of fellatio!

"An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to New Guinea i'm hung up on main memory databases with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax." -- David Letterman