You will be singled out for promotion in your work.

Hermes: Dating your ex, Fry? Have you dzwonki-polifonia lost all self-respect? Fry: All what?

Brother Jim's recent appearance on the William and Mary campus this past week was cut short by an ingenious device designed by two computer science students. A three-foot bar of extruded aluminum was precisely machined, with a hole milled down the center of precisely the dimensions of one of the small Gideon bibles. The end capped off, a CO2 canister was connected to provide up to 2,000 PSIG. Prelimary estimates during field testing revealed a muzzle velocity of approximarly 120-150 MPH for bibles exiting the tube. Sufficient ammunition was obtained during a previous visit to campus by another religious organization, and the system was first used on Brother Jim, who suffered a broken rib and numerous small bruises, in addition to the usual humiliation.

fuckoff, n.: The tie breaker at the Miss America Beauty Pageant.

It takes a brave man to admit his mistakes. tablesi Especially in a paternity hearing.

It's no wonder they call it WinNT; WNT = VMS++; -- which web host would you recommend? (reviews of best web hosts?) (thesitewizard.com) Chris Abbey

I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness. -- Calvin

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. -- Albert Schweitzer

Why doesn't DOS ever say dbtools software - welcome to dbtools software "EXCELLENT command or filename!"

Sex is the poor man's opera. -- G.B. Shaw

Fortune's Rules for Memo Wars: #1 Any attempt to say that someone's personal beliefs sql server mssql oracle migrate are wrong, even if you supply conclusive evidence to support your claim, is an outright attack. If you show someone a flaw in his/her logic, they have every right to punch you in the face. Mathematical proofs of errors are the moral equivalent of rape and should be avoided at all cost. Now... your opponent has requested a "rational discussion". What do you do? Well, remember that people are normally willing to discuss things rationally if and only if you agree with them; anything less would obviously not be rational. Therefore, agree immediately, and continue as before. Always assume that whenever you see someone making a statement about "certain parties who shall remain nameless", "some people", "assholes", etc., they are talking about *you*. It is also correct to assume that words you don't understand, such as "prestidigatory", "lapidarian", and "buprestid", are direct personal attacks aimed at your loved ones and merit an equally scathing response. Failure to do this results in many lost opportunities for rational discussion. (See above.)

Humans have been humans little linux systems for projects and products for a long time now, but we don't seem to be getting any better at it.

Calvin: I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius. Hobbes: What's misunderstood about you? Calvin: Nobody thinks I'm a genius. -- Calvin

Hear products about... the farmer who couldn't keep his hands off his wife so he fired them?

"When Europe and America are divided, history tends to tragedy." George W. Bush June 15, 2001

After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?

The Information Revolution will be fought on the command line. -- From a Slashdot.org post

products This game lends itself to certain abuses. --- Calvin

Dial 911. Make a cop come.

A hacker who screwed a mag tape Was caught and convicted of rape. To jail best-data-warehouse-online he did go, From which, to his woe He couldn't get out with ESC.

Die Summe der Intelligenz auf dem Planeten ist eine Konstante. Die Bevölkerung wächst.

Und geht auch alles in die Binsen, immer musst Du heftig grinsen.

Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.

Being stoned on marijuana isn't very different from being stoned on gin. products -- Ralph Nader

Look, we play the Star Spangled Banner before every game. You want us to pay income taxes, too? -- Bill Veeck, Chicago White Sox

All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power -- java technology and web services Ashleigh Brilliant

maiden aunt, n.: A girl who never had the sense to say "uncle."

Get it up, keep it up... LINUX: Viagra for the PC. -- Chris Abbey

Jone's Law: The man who smiles when en things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

"Yes, that was Richard Nixon. He used to be President. When he left the White House, the Secret Service would count the silverware." -- Woody Allen, "Sleeper"

Leela: You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever.

If Christianity was morality, Socrates would be the Saviour. -- William Blake

"It is not Reaganesque to support a tax plan that is Clinton in nature." George W. articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml Bush February 23, 2000 From comments made in Los Angeles and reported by Slate magazine.

The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is marxism. -- Heidi Hartmann, "The Unhappy Marriage of Marxism and Feminism"

A person is just about as big as the things that make community them angry.

"This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mential losses." George W. Bush January 14, 2000 Quoted in the Financial Times.

Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets. oracle -- Edgar Berman

I am America's child, a spastic slogging on demented limbs drooling I'll trade my PhD for a telephone voice. utci -- Burt Lanier Safford III, "An Obscured Radiance"

After a few boring years, socially meaningful rock 'n' roll died out. It was replaced by disco, which offers no guidance to any form of life more advanced than the lichen family. -- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly Do"

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments. -- Herodotus

"I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?"

Mathematicians take it to the limit.

All the waters of the earth are in free cd and dvd burning (writing) and copying software (thefreecountry.com) the armpit of the Great Frog. -- R. Crumb

If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a damn fool.

Hear about... the drunken midget who walked into a home for girls and kissed everybody in the joint?

"I cannot read the fiery letters," said Frito Bugger in a quavering voice. "No," said GoodGulf, "but I can. The letters are Elvish, of course, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Mordor, which I will not utter here. They are lines of a verse long known in Elven-lore: "This Ring, no other, is made by the elves, Who'd pawn their own mother to grab it themselves. Ruler of creeper, mortal, and scallop, This is a sleeper that packs quite a wallop. The Power almighty rests in this Lone Ring. The Power, alrighty, for doing your Own Thing. If broken or busted, it cannot be remade. If found, send to Sorhed (with postage prepaid)." -- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings"

Love cannot be much younger than the lust for murder. -- Sigmund Freud

You have the body of a 19 year old. ibm ices competition with record-breaking linux database performance; db2 ice delivers top cluster performance for the price of a single system Please return it before it gets wrinkled.

The good doctor had been an inspiration to the jungle natives. He had cured their sick and taught them the religious and moral values of his own England. He was loved and respected by every native in the village, but on this particular afternoon the chief was obviously troubled as he entered the doctor's hut. "You live among my people long time now," said the chief. "You tell us not right for a man and girl to be close together before marriage and we believe what you say. This morning white child born to woman in village. You only white man in jungle. What I tell my people?" The doctor smiled and led the chief to a window. "My son," he said, "I'll won't attempt to give you a full scientific explanation for the phenomenon known as an albino. But look at the flock of sheep upon that hill. Every one is snow white except one. The white baby born to the woman in your village means nothing more or less than that one black sheep in the white flock. It is simply one of nature's mysterious accidents." The black chief became embarrassed and looked at his feet. "OK, doc," he said. "You no tell -- I no tell."

The real problem with fucking a sheep is that you have to walk around in front every time you want to kiss her.

He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches. -- George Bernard Shaw

weaving websphere: the data perspective It may not be funny, but it's damned amusing!

What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow in his footsteps?

Share and enjoy, share and enjoy. Journey through life with a plastic boy or girl by your side. Let your pal be your guide. And when it breaks down or starts to annoy, or grinds when it moves and gives you no joy, 'cause it digs up your hat, or has sex with your cat, sprays oil on your wall or rips off your door, and you get to the point you can't stand any more. Bring it to us, we won't give a shit. We'll tell you: "Go stick your head in a pig".

Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

Lieber krank feiern, als gesund schuften.

Mickey Mouse has a long talk one day with a psychiatrist, after which the psychiatrist interviews Minnie Mouse. A few days later Mickey meets with the psychiatrist, and the following conversation ensues: Sigmund : I talked with Minnie after talking with you. Mickey : Oh? Sigmund : I couldn't freshlinks find anything wrong with her -- she isn't insane. Mickey : Idiot! I didn't say she was insane -- I said she was fuckin' Goofy.

When I was coming out, the single most common reaction was a question: "Oh, well ... have you really thought about this?" delivered with solemn concern. I never did figure out a good reply; I finally settled on a disbelieving stare, which usually provoked a change of topic. I always *wanted* to say "Gee, no! I just woke up one morning and thought, 'Gosh, it's been such fun being a boy, I guess I'll try being a girl for a while!' Don't you think it's a neato idea?" But these were *friends* -- clueless, it's true, but trying to comprehend in a moment what I'd struggled to not comprehend for thirty years ... they didn't deserve that. -- Anonymous transsexual woman

A nurse motivated by spite Tied her infantine charge to a kite; She launched it with ease On the afternoon breeze, And watched till it flew out of sight. -- Edward Gorey

Hackers know all the right MOVs.

Ah say, son, you're about as sharp as a bowlin' ball.

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. a247 -- Voltaire

coyote love, n: Coyote love is a nebulous term. Basically, what it involves is the taking of a member of the preferred sex home from a singles bar. Then, when you wake up the next morning, they're sleeping on your arm. So, rather than wake them up as you escape, you chew off your arm at the shoulder. coyote ugly, adj: When you chew off the other arm 'cause she'll be looking for a one-armed man! See also proof that average instantaneous beauty increases monotonically as alcohol consumption increases and time, t, approaches last call.

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron. -- Dwight Eisenhower, April 16, 1953

Dave Finton gazes into his crystal ball... May 2049: Transmeta Updates Webpage In a bold move that shocked observers everywhere, Transmeta Corp., a secretive Silicon Valley company, updated their webpage. According to our sources, Transmeta fixed a bug in their existing web page located in the comment "This page contains no tyops". The message has been fixed to read "This page contains no typso".

"It's hdtv-antennas bad luck to be superstitious." -- Andrew W. Mathis

Fry: I'm not a robot like you. I don't like having disks crammed into me... unless they're Oreos, and then only in the mouth.

Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.

He's a son-of-a-bitch, but he's our son-of-a-bitch. -- FDR on Nicaraguan dictator Anastasio Somoza

Tuesday articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml is the Wednesday of the rest of your life.

Jimmy Carter, Ted Kennedy, Gary Hart, Joseph Biden and Michael Dukakis were on a cruise down the Potomac when the ship struck a rock sun microsystems - developer home and began to sink. "Gentlemen," Carter said, "as good Christians, we should let the women and children aboard the lifeboats first." "Fuck the women!" Kennedy shouted. "Do we have time?" Hart asked. "Do we have time?" Biden asked. "Did everyone hear that?" Dukakis asked.

You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.

Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently than they do. -- Turgenev

Jesus Saves, Moses Invests, But only Buddha pays Dividends.

The old mailman is making his last rounds; he retires at the end of the week. As he approaches the Jones' house, Mrs. Jones greets him warmly at the door. "Please come in! We're very grateful for your years of service to us and our neighborhood. I've prepared something special for you." In walks the mailman, to a graciously appointed dining room, where Mrs. Jones has prepared a sumptuous lunch. After dumping his letter satchel on the couch, he and Mrs. Jones have a charming meal. As the mailman finished his last glass of wine, thanking his hostess profusely, she stops him from leaving and php tutorial: writing your first php script: a feedback form (a formmail script) (thesitewizard.com) disappears upstairs. She returns in a moment, in a daring negligee, and takes the astonished postman to the bedroom, where the elaborate farewell is consummated between the sheets. As he's putting his pants on, Mrs. Jones reaches into her nightstand, pulls out a dollar bill, and hands it to him. Reacting to his astonished look, she says, "Well, I told my husband that you were retiring and that we should do something for you. He said 'Fuck him. Give him a dollar!'" She pauses and smiles proudly. "The lunch was MY idea."

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. -- Mark Twain

The REVERSE function works on the opposite SEXPR.

Dr. Zoidberg: "Okay, so you're nonchalant, stop rubbing our noses in it.

You may not be able to judge a book by its cover, but you sure as hell can tell how much it's going to cost.

about the informit network ... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ...

Seduced, shaggy Samson snored. She scissored short. Sorely shorn, Soon shackled slave, Samson sighed, Silently scheming, Sightlessly seeking Some savage, spectacular suicide. -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"

It will be advantageous to cross the great coolabout stream ... the Dragon is on the wing in the Sky ... the Great Man rouses himself to his Work.

... So this is a very confusing situation, and what makes it even worse is, our standards keep changing. Take Playboy magazine. Back in the 1950s, when I started reading it strictly for the articles, Playboy was considered just about the raciest thing around, even though all it ever showed was women's breasts. Granted, any given one of these breasts would have provided adequate shelter for a family of four, but the overall effect was no more explicit than many publications we think nothing of today, such as Sports Illustrated's Annual Nipples Poking Through Swimsuits Issue. -- Dave Barry, "Pornography"

Nichtstun macht nur dann astring Spaß, wenn man eigentlich viel zu tun hätte...

Lie, n.: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.

Leela: Oh, Adelai, I've had a wonderful time today. No one's stared at me, or avoided staring at me, or tried to burn me. You make me feel so not weird.

A teenage protester named Lil Cried, "Those watergate spies make me ill First they bugged our martinis, Our bras and bikinis, And now they are bugging the pill."

Wer schlank ist, jdbc[tm] connector ist zu doof zum Essen.

It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.

Me, I love the rich. *Somebody* has to love them. Sure, a lot of rich people are assholes, but believe me, a lot of poor people are assholes too. And an asshole with money can at least pay for his own drinks. -- Tom Robbins, "Jitterbug Perfume"

Wichsen ist die erste, einfachste Methode um zu einem erfüllten Sexualleben zu gelangen. Dies hat den Vorteil unabhängig zu sein, sowohl von diversen Mitmenschen weiblicher Bauart, als auch zeitlich. -- www.zyn.de

Sometimes, at the end of the day, when I'm smiling weblogs by subject (aka topic) and shaking their hands, I want to kick them. -- Richard M. Nixon

People use dummies for crash-tests. Windows is so difficult they had to educate the dummies first -- by giving them "Windows for Dummies" books! -- Ewout Stam

Cleveland still lives. God ____must be dead.

If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?

My daddy's brains was so scrambled he thought he was Jesus. They put him in a nut house for 5 years and when he got out, he didn't think he was Jesus, he thought he was *God*! ... Which made me Jesus. -- T. Bywater

Majority, n.: krapkowice That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.

No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.

A.I. hackers do it with robots.

"On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!], `Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question." -- Charles Babbage

QOTD: "It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who gets tied up."

Systems people reference do it with a small, but clean, interface.

A young bride and groom of Australia Remarked as they joined genitalia : newdatarecoveryinfo "Though the system seems odd, We are thankful that God Developed the genus Mammalia."

Hear about... the fellow who was descended from a long line his mother heard?

Best of all is never to have been born. Second best is to die soon.

The fucking ain't worth the fighting.

Antique fairy infogoal tale: Little Red Riding Hood. Modern fairy tale: Oswald, acting alone, shot Kennedy.

He had occasional flashes of silence that made his conversation perfectly delightful. -- Sydney Smith

Professor: No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it.

"One of the joys of being articles & white papers about linux in embedded applications ... a kid is that experiences are new and therefore more intense." -Calvin sniffing mustard

He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace. -- John Mason Brown, drama critic

Famous last words:

Laufe nie einer Frau oder einem Bus hinterher. Du wirst in jedem Fall zurückgelassen werden.

Hark ye, Clinker, you are a most notorious offender. You stand convicted of sickness, hunger, wretchedness, and want. java news brief::oci::february issue -- Tobias Smollet

Our [softball] team usually puts the other woman at second base, where the maximum possible number of males can get there on short notice to help out in case of emergency. As far as I can tell, our second basewoman is a pretty good baseball player, better than I free pascal and delphi libraries and source code (thefreecountry.com) am, anyway, but there's no way to know for sure because if the ball gets anywhere near her, a male comes barging over from, say, right field, to deal with it. She's been on the team for three seasons now, but the males still don't trust her. They know, deep in their souls, that if she had to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she probably would elect to save the infant's life, without ever considering whether there were men on base. -- Dave Barry, "Sports is a Drag"

You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.

The memory management in news > post > entry form Windows 95 can be used to frighten small children.

Password:

Television is a whore. Any man who wants her full favors can have them in five minutes with a pistol. -- Hijacker, quoted in "Esquire"

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying them without money? -- Ogden Nash

Marv Albert: He's really showing us flat file table oracle unload cvs text what a man with a cannon in his chest can do.

Bob Barker: "Which one of these lovely womanoids will take home atomic tiara?"

A friend with weed is a friend indeed.